Trans-suburban Trailblazerz: remember our discussion about murder?; i just spent my favourite hour with my brother

i hadnt planned on writing again, especially after my novel earlier today, but some events have transpired that made me angry for probably the first time in my life.

i went to get michael to go home and he was unprepared and unapologetically requested for me to take him and dylan back to dylan's house. i like dylan, i wouldnt have minded if michael'd been polite and asked nicely or at least told me what i was in for. so i got annoyed and told him and he started arguing the way i've told you about. i wasnt about to take shit from someone i hate so i defended myself. then was quiet. but he wouldnt put his seatbelt on and kept arguing about that and making stupid comments and warping my meaning and totally overlooking the fact that it was my car, i could have in it what i pleased, and he was using my resources, not our parents, who do not need a ticket because he refused his seatbelt. it felt like a fight to me i hated him so much at that moment my heart was beating noticeably and i felt slightly shaky but i was thinking clearly enough to navigate victoria gardens which is supported by crazy drivers and i was able to make clear concise points at the same time. i was so mad i said fucking. i never cuss in front of my brothers.

so.

i was so mad i turned the music real loud and picked the most piercing, reverberated, sounds bad if too loud songs. i played them from the bottom of my gas tank and the edge of my endurance (through years of walking with headphones its gotten pretty high, my endurance). i also rolled down my window to add to the cacophony and to lessen my pain, because he had the audacity to fart. HE FARTED IN MY CAR. he did it. it smelled unmistakable, nothing like the gross inland empire smells or anything. it was clearly fart, and his fart. whatever. i was pretty happy because he was trying to listen to his headphones and i could hear his music when each song ended and it was loud. add that to my chainsaw music and he should have been crying. once i played a bats song that was easy on the ears so that when the next jarring song came on he'd feel worse than the first round. his headphones were new headphones. hopefully they'll blow out soon after this hour of relentless volume. it must have been highly unenjoyable for him, i cant see how it could have been otherwise.

i have resolved never to do my mom a favour again. he is not allowed in my car unless my mom is desperate to get him to school. actually i'll lie and say i have no gas. michael and my car are through. i may or may not be tempted to relent, but i never will. when i pulled into our street there was an ambulance that i was almost certain was going to our house. it stopped at the house directly across from mine. i took it as god's approval.

i hate you to deaf, michael: the playlist